25 Reasons to Hate Artemis Crock
by intrajanelle
Summary: Wally can't get Artemis out of his head so Robin suggests making a list. Needless to say it does help a certain speedster sort out his feelings for a snarky blonde archer. Spitfire. Now a Two-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This…was just for fun. Please don't take it seriously. I needed to get my Wally juices flowing before I wrote anymore of Cosplay 2…and this was born. I got the idea from My Hopeless Romantic's '_50 Reasons Why I Hate Mikan Sakura' _buuut it's very different. At least I hope so, I haven't read that fanfic in years (and I would've asked MHR's permission to use the same idea but she's retired from FF. net and I had no idea how to hunt her down sooo…)._

_Ah, I got it up for Valentine's! I'm very pleased about this. Well, it's almost midnight but I just made it!_

_Anyway, please enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I asked Greg for the rights but sadly he declined._

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><p><em>25 Reasons to Hate Artemis Crock<em>

_By JustJanelle_

Robin says this list will help me sort out my 'feelings' for Artemis. He told me to write down things that I like about her—Ha. Ha-ha-ha, seriously? What could there possibly be to _like_ about _Artemis_? She's—well, she's…_Artemis_. So, I've decided to twist the assignment a bit. I'm writing down everything that I _hate_ about Artemis. There. I'm sure this will be loads more help to me and it will also be a much longer list than if I had to pull things that I like about her out of my ass.

Okay, here it goes. I'll start at the end.

_Reason 25_: I hate her hair. I mean, for obvious reasons. First of all it is blonde, which I'm almost positive isn't her natural color—she is half-Vietnamese, at least I think she is, she looks half-Vietnamese. So if that is the case then the alleles for black hair should have been dominant. Dominant dammit! Which means that her hair should be black, even if the blonde does look goo- Terrible. It looks terrible on her. Second of all it's so damn long. I didn't even know it was _humanly possible_ to grow your hair that long—actually that makes sense: Artemis isn't human. Wow, that explains a lot.

_Reason 24_: I hate the way she smells. It's so disgusting when I have to spar with her and every time she kicks my ass—not that that happens often or anything—I am overwhelmed by her _scent_. It is not even a good scent. She smells like trees, especially like pine trees and oaks, which doesn't even make _sense_ because she lives in the city. I mean it fits her personality and everything but other than that... It's like she rubs pine needles on herself—or like her shampoo is pine needle scented which is _so_ weird. I mean, who uses pine needle shampoo? That's so gross. The grossest thing about it is that I can't even open my oak chest of drawers to get out some _underwear_ without thinking about her. Damn that Artemis.

_Reason 23_: I hate her skin. It's just so sof- pasty looking, and tan. If she tans too much then her skin is going to get all wrinkled and leathery and she's going to get cancer. Not that I care or anything—if she gets cancer. She can get cancer all she wants. It's just not healthy. Not that I care if she's not healthy.

_Reason 22_: I _especially_ hate her eyes. Mostly because they're like three different colors! Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but I swear to God, sometimes I look at her in the light and her eyes are soft and blue and happy and then I catch her in a bad mood or in the shadows and they've turned steely gray. It's almost like her emotions are painted all over her face. I can always tell when she's happy or when she's mad or when she's just incredibly amused by something stupid that I've done. Sometimes I get lost in her eyes- No, wait, I don't mean lost like _lost_, not like lost figuratively as if they're _mesmerizing_ or anything. I mean lost like- literally because they're so confusing. Yeah.

_Reason 21_: I really hate her laugh, because she's always laughing at _me_. Okay, so she does occasionally laugh when talking about girl stuff with Megan or when she's doing homework with Rob or just about anytime Kaldur tries to crack a joke but mostly she's laughing at me. She laughs at the way I walk, the way I eat, the way I hit on Megan. She even laughed the first time I met her, well sort of, I mean, I _did_ trip and fall in to the room but she didn't need to be so snarky about it. Ever heard of starting off on the wrong foot? Although I have a strange feeling that any foot I start on with Artemis would be wrong. Anyway, back to her laugh. It is snarky and I hate it. So there.

_Reason 20_: I hate her abs. No girl should have abs that toned, not that I would be complaining if she wasn't so damn proud of them. She's _always_ wearing low cut shirts like she wants everyone to see her stomach and _everyone_ does. I can't go anywhere with her, not that I _do_ go anywhere with her, without people staring and they're mostly guys. It's like she needs attention. Jeesh. If I had abs that sexy- _GROSS_, I would keep them to myself, because that's just the kind of humble, mature guy that I am.

_Reason 19_: I hate her attitude. If Kent Nelson was right about one thing it's that she is a spitfire—not my spitfire that's for goddamn sure, but a spitfire nonetheless. Nothing gets past her. She's just so serious and snarky and pompous about everything she does. She thinks she's the goddamn _goddess_ of archery, albeit she is named after the goddess of archery but that doesn't mean she has to be so snarky about it.

_Reason 18_: I hate her sense of humor. Mostly because she thinks the most un-amusing things are funny. She laughs at the way I eat, the way I dress, the way I walk (well, mostly the way I trip—not that that happens often or anything), even the way I flirt. I'll admit, I'm not the best flirter but I am charming—that's for goddamn sure—and she doesn't need to be so mean just because she's jealous of how much M'Gann is infatuated with me. Oooh, that's interesting. Arty's jealous? Never thought of it that way before. I'll have to save that little realization for later. It's good blackmail material.

_Reason 17:_ I hate the way she teases me. Need I explain this one? I mean, I kind of already explained it with her sense of humor and her snarky laugh but I guess I'll delve a little further here. Teasing is different because when a girl teases a guy it's supposed to be _flirtatious_ and _alluring_, almost like reverse psychology. But with Artemis everything is serious. If she teases me about my clothes she's not doing it because she secretly wants to make-out with me, she's doing it because she thinks my shirt is an awful color. As you can imagine this does not please me, especially when I spend _at least_ ten minutes picking out a t-shirt from the clean clothes pile on my bedroom floor. She could show a little consideration.

_Reason 16:_ I hate how athletic she is. It's not like I'm jealous or anything but, I'll admit, she's certainly better at hand to hand combat than I am. I doubt I could fight that well even if I started training as a little kid. I mean, did you _see_ her kick Poison Ivy in the face? She knocked her right in to Count Vertigo! I never could have done that without my powers and that was even after she lost her bow. I guess I just hate that she tries so hard to be a superhero when all I had to do was get in to a tiny lab accident and everything came so easy for me. Yeah…maybe I feel a little respect for her, just a little.

_Reason 15: _I hate how she has no powers. It's a fact that she constantly rubs in my face—especially after the Red Tornadoes incident she just loves to point out how even without superpowers she managed to handle herself. If you ask me she was just lucky. I mean—the simple fact that she doesn't have superpowers makes her more vulnerable during missions than the rest of us (and Robin doesn't count because he's…Robin) and this puts her in more danger. She can't run fast, or fly, or lift really heavy things. All she can do is shoot arrows and kick ass, and while that is all incredibly impressive one might be worried for her safety when she's gallivanting around with only a few measly arrows to protect herself. Yes, one might worry a lot.

_Reason 14: _I hate her secrets. She never tells me _anything_. Not that I particularly care if she tells me about herself it's just so…so…suspicious. Yeah, that's it—suspicious. How are we supposed to trust her if she can't trust us?

_Reason 13: _I hate the way I'm allergic to her very existence. No seriously, I kid you not. Whenever she's around I get this weird fluttery feeling in my stomach and my heartbeat increases. Along with those horrifying symptoms my hands start to feel sweaty and my mouth gets dry and-get this: I lose my appetite. Can you believe it? I told you it was bad. I've never lost my appetite in my entire life. She must be emitting some kind of plague that slowly infects other humans and I'm the only one reacting because my metabolism is faster than the rest of the teams! I'll have to remember to tell Robin later. I knew she was up to no good.

_Reason 12_: I hate how oblivious she is. I mean, guys clearly stare at her when she's running around in midriff bearing shirts, but does she notice? No. Then she goes around _acting_ all high mighty about every goddamn thing she does and still manages to be insecure about herself—and don't tell me she isn't because _I_ can _tell_. She scrunches up her nose and practically goes cross-eyed from trying to divert her eye contact when she's feeling insecure. Not that I noticed this myself—Robin told me. You know how sneaky that kid is…Ahem, where were we?

_Reason 11:_ I hate how reckless she is. She just jumps in to things all the time without thinking them through. I know that I do that, but I'm a speedster. What you call reckless speedster's call well-thought-out. Our brains are like on a totally faster thought pattern than normal humans. She can't afford to jump in to things. What if she was hurt? Not that I would care but Robin would be very distraught if anything happened to her, heavy on the 'dis'.

_Reason 10: _I hate how she took Roy's place on the team. Roy is like, one of my best friends. I've known him for almost two years! Therefore this statement is obligatory to his friendship. It's part of the Bro Code. Bros always come before Artemis'.

_Reason 9:_ I hate how she believes in magic. Magic does not exist! There's no such thing. Nip, nada, zilch, nix—and yet she manages to rub her copy of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' in my face every damn chance she gets. AND she constantly reminds me of Kent Nelson and the Helmet of Fate as if the fact that I was bioscripted in to becoming Doctor Fate for, like, _ten minutes_ undeniably proves the existence of a mystical energy force. I mean, jeesh, I _tried_ bleaching that entire experience from my memory, especially the whole part about Mr. Nelson and 'spitfires', but she just won't let me forget it. Man, I hate her so much…

_Reason 8:_ I hate how she thinks Superboy is hot. I bet she doesn't realize that when she made that comment about him, during her first mission on the team, we could _all_ hear her. Yup, she just had to make an intentionally flirtatious comment about Superboy in front of the whole team. I mean- that isn't even the correct way to flirt! She should take pointers on my techniques. They've proven to be quite useful in my pursuit of Megan, but then again...I don't really _want_ her flirting with other guys- Not because I care if she flirts with guys, of course, but because that's _my_ thing! Yup, flirting is my thing. She should learn boundaries. Jeesh.

_Reason 7:_ I hate how she can kick my ass in training. To be fair she would never win in a real fight. I just go easy on her—every time we train. Yeah.

_Reason 6:_ I hate how smart she is. That one time we went on the mission to find Kent Nelson? I will admit I was quite taken aback by her extensive knowledge of phase-shifting and pocket dimensions. And during the Red Fiasco? I was surprised that she actually knew what an EMP emitter was let alone how one worked. But lately her intelligence has become one of her favorite taunting methods. She just loooves rubbing it in my face that she can speak four languages and I only know English… Yes, four! What human being speaks four languages at the age of fifteen? That's just not normal, but then again Artemis isn't normal. So I guess it fits.

_Reason 5:_ I hate her smile. It's just sooo...happy. Is that even a good way to explain it? No, of course not, because Artemis never likes making things easy for me. Let's try this again. I hate her smile because it's so…so…authentic. She hardly ever smiles, unlike Megan and so many other girls at my school, so I guess it's appropriate to say that on the rare moments when she deigns it appropriate to smile it just seems so genuine. Smirking, gloating and teasing grins do not count. I'm talking about a real smile. If you've seen Artemis genuinely smile I can guarantee you that you've witnessed a miracle.

_Reason 4:_ I hate how close we became in Bialya. That just shows me that if things had been different… If I had been nicer to her… If she hadn't been so damn snarky… _Maybe_ our relationship could be a little nicer. Maybe instead of wanting to throttle each other so much, we could be friends. That's what I hate about it. Bialya brought up all of these 'what ifs' and 'maybes' and there is just not enough time in life to worry about those kinds of things. It's done. It's happened. There's nothing I can do to change it anymore. That's probably what I hate about it the most.

_Reason 3:_ I hated it when she died during the training exercise. I'll admit, seeing Artemis die right in front of my eyes… It felt like someone had torn my heart out and stamped on it. I'm supposed to be _the_ _fastest boy in the world_ and yet all I could was stand there and watch her die. I know it wasn't real, but what if it was? It's not like I wasn't equally upset about Kaldur dying or Superboy but there was nothing I could do to save them. I could have saved Artemis, maybe that's why I wanted so desperately for her to be alive. Just to know that I hadn't failed her.

_Reason 2:_ I hate that she hates me. She does. It's not like she's ever said it or anything but I can tell. I'm good at reading girl's like that. Megan loves me, Artemis hates me and while I should be thrilled about the former I still find myself caught up over the latter. It's just so unfair that we don't get along because we have the potential to. She's not like other girls and she's fun to hang out with and she can kick my ass and she has no qualms about calling me out on my shit and I like that about her. I admit, though never to her of course, I _like_ that about Artemis.

_Reason 1_: I hate that I don't hate her at all. Oh God. I guess, Robin—the protégé of the world's greatest detective detected something that I just couldn't see after all…reading back over these 'reasons' I can see now that I definitely like that snarky blonde archer more than I should. I'm kind of still in denial over the fact that she's not as nasty as I originally presumed, but she's gorgeous and sexy and her hair is so damn long and she's always teasing me and kicking my ass and speaking in four different languages just to annoy the hell out of me and I lo- _NO_. Not going there. That is a list for another day. But I guess I can amend my original statement by saying that this isn't a list of things that I hate about Artemis. Rather, a list of things that I li- _Don't Mind_ about her. Yup, that's right. I _don't mind_ Artemis and if you ask me that is a goddamn miracle in itself.

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><p><em>(About Artemis speaking four languages: She speaks French fluently in the comics. Her mother is Vietnamese (from Vietnam) so I'm assuming she is fluent. Greg Weisman said in a Q&amp;A that her best subject in school is Spanish so I'm assuming she's close to fluent. And, uh, English obviously.)<em>

_Uh, yeah, sooo please review? I'll be your best friend forever. :3_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: A lot of people asked for a follow-up to this and I was very skeptical, but LovelyKiss606 PM'd me with a prompt and I gave it my best shot. This is for LovelyKiss606. I hope you enjoy it._

_Disclaimer: Disclaimed._

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><p>Chapter 2:<p>

Wally leaned back on his barstool, spreading his hands on either side of his finished list. He looked around the kitchen warily, hoping that no one was around to see him trash the seven- yes _seven_- sheets of paper he had used to divulge his best kept secret: that he _didn't mind_ Artemis Crock.

He knew that Robin would be all over something like this. He'd want to make copies and frame them and stick laminated duplicates of the list in Artemis' locker and room and- ugh, Wally felt queasy just thinking of all of the ways Robin could potentially use this against him.

Without making a sound Wally pushed the barstool away from the counter and picked up the paper. He pressed the list to his chest, twirled in his chair to stand and came face to face with Robin.

"You done?" the boy asked.

"Ack!" Wally shouted, tumbling unceremoniously to the kitchen floor, the list falling to disarray at his feet.

"Wow, Wally. Did you write a novel or what?" Robin smirked as he leaned down to help his friend collect the paper.

"No!" Wally said, pushing Robin's hand away, "I'll, um- I'll get it."

"Okay," Robin shrugged noncommittally. The boy eased himself on to a stool and watched as Wally flailed on the floor, picking up every single sheet of paper and counting them twice.

"_Seven_," Wally sighed, "All seven."

"What could you possibly like about Artemis that took up seven sheets of paper?" Robin asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Wally flushed, "I didn't write what I _like_ about her. I wrote all the things that I _hate_ about her."

Robin narrowed his eyes at his best friend.

"It's a long list, okay!" Wally said, standing back up.

"So, are you going to show Art-"

"No!" Wally shouted, surveying the kitchen as if he suspected that the blonde girl was lurking in the shadows, listening to their entire conversation.

"So what are you to do with it?" Robin said.

"Burn it."

"Wha-"

"It's going in the fireplace. Now, where does Miss M keep the matches?" Wally asked, pulling open a drawer.

"Martian, remember? No fire," Robin said, eyeing the list under Wally's arm speculatively.

"Aw, that's right," Wally groaned, "I guess I'll just have to buy some then. Or maybe I could throw it in the Ocean or something. See yah, Rob. I gotta go."

Robin nodded, leaning across the counter just as Wally sped off. He managed to grab two sheets of paper from under the speedster's arm. Robin cackled, dashed to his room and locked the door behind him.

He had some reading to do.

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><p>A few hours later Wally waltzed in to the cave feeling relaxed. He had just torn his entire list in to miniscule pieces and scattered them in the ocean, the sea breeze had carried them out on the tide. He felt on top of the world having gotten <em>that<em> debacle off his chest so he didn't notice Artemis when he walked in to the kitchen until he practically collided with her.

"Jesus, Wally," she said, licking hot chocolate from her fingers from where it had dripped over the edge of her mug, "watch where you're walking."

Wally couldn't help himself- he'd been thinking about her all day after all, because of that goddamn list- he felt himself staring at her lips as she licked her fingers. His gaze wandered up to her eyes- they were gray- he knew she wasn't happy. _Reason 22: I especially hate her eyes_. Then her hair- god, her hair was _down_. That never happened._Reason 25: I hate her hair_.

He wanted to touch her.

His eyes widened slightly and he backed away from her instead.

"What's wrong West? Jealous?" she said, gesturing to her mug of hot chocolate.

Luckily, at that very moment his stomach decided to grant him a pardon and growled loudly.

Artemis laughed and Wally frowned. _Reason 21: I really hate her laugh_.

"Nah, he's just _lost in your eyes_," a voice chirped from the other doorway.

Artemis turned to see Robin leaning against the door frame, grinning mischievously.

Wally, who was standing behind Artemis and therefore only in Robin's line of sight, began to gesticulate frantically, swiping his hand across his neck as if to say: _stop it, stop it or you're dead_.

"What?" Artemis asked the boy.

"Oh, I'm sorry, let me ex-"

"Rob!" Wally shouted, seeing as his frenetic hand motions were being ignored.

"Yes, _Wally_?" Robin said sarcastically.

Wally narrowed his eyes at the boy and sped across the kitchen. He grabbed Robin's arms, turned to Artemis and said something along the lines of: _seeyoulater! _But he said it so fast and so softly that Artemis barely heard him.

Shrugging Artemis made her way to the living room to ask M'gann if she wanted to do anything that afternoon.

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><p>"What are you doing?" Wally yelled at Robin once they were standing outside the mountain, on a ledge that overlooked the Ocean.<p>

Robin had his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed as Wally walked in fast angry circles around him.

"I read your list."

"_What_?" Wally shouted, stopping mid-step. "B-But I-"

"I grabbed the first and last pages, before you left earlier," Robin said, pulling the folded paper out of his pocket.

Before Rob could blink Wally had grabbed them from him, crumpled them up and thrown them over the side of the ledge.

He didn't watch them fall but he assumed they had landed somewhere on the beach before he spun to face Robin again.

"I made copies," Robin said with a shrug.

Wally sighed, "Figures."

"Wally, just tell her."

"Tell who what?" Wally asked, sitting down on the ledge and swinging his feet over the precipice.

"Tell Artemis that you like her," Robin said, sitting down beside him.

"Wha- Rob, I can't believe you'd even infer something like that," Wally said appearing affronted, "That was a list of things that I hate about her- that just so happened to also be a list of things I don't mind about her. Can you even _read_? I never even said li-"

"You crossed out love," Robin said, "three times."

"Goddamn son of a detective," Wally mumbled.

"Just _tell_ her," Robin said, "okay? Besides, if _you_ don't, _I_ will. I've already made several e-mails to my school newspaper. They can have this thing printed up in tomorrow's edition. And you _know_ Artemis goes to my school. So get to it."

"Right," Wally said, licking his lips. "Dude, if this goes wrong you better sleep with one eye open."

Robin laughed, "I do that anyway. Son of Batman, remember?"

"Ha-ha," Wally muttered.

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><p>M'gann had wanted to go swimming.<p>

Artemis was okay with this. Not the swimming part, she hated getting her hair wet, but the going outdoors part was okay and the hot chocolate had made her kind of drowsy so she was content to lay her towel on the beach and just sit in the sun for awhile. She was about to do this—M'gann was sprinting ahead of her on the sand picking out the perfect spot, Mount Justice was several paces behind them—when suddenly something hit her on the back of the head.

She turned around angrily, half-expecting Wally to be standing behind her, jeering, but there was nobody there. The only thing she could see was the crumpled pieces of paper resting in the sand by her feet.

She leaned down, picked them up and unfolded them.

Her towel fell from her hands.

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><p>Wally had searched the entirety of Mount Justice for Artemis in the time it took Robin to walk down to the training room.<p>

"What if I can't find her, are you still going to-"

"Keep looking, Wally," Robin called, closing the doors to the weight room behind him.

"Augh," Wally moaned, sticking his head in a cabinet and grabbing a whole jar of Nutella. "Where is that infuriating, blonde-haired men-"

"You called?"

Wally slammed the cabinet shut. Artemis was standing on the other side. Her arms were crossed over her chest.

Wally gulped.

She was wearing a bikini.

Why, oh why, was she wearing a bikini?

_Reason 20: I hate her abs_.

"Are you going to eat that?" Artemis said gesturing to the jar in his hand.

"Uhhh," he said stupidly, looking down at the Nutella. He had forgotten he was holding it. It didn't matter though, there was this weird fluttery feeling in his stomach and he didn't think he could eat anything at the moment. Not as long as Artemis was around. _Reason 13: I hate the way I'm allergic to her very existence._

"Wallace?" Artemis asked, leaning closer to him and a wave of pine-needle scented shampoo wafted over him.

He almost toppled over from the smell of it all. _Reason 24: I hate the way she smells_.

"I'll take that as a 'no'," she said as his back collided with the counter. She reached out and snatched the jar from his hand, her soft skin brushing against his fingers as she did so._Reason 23: I hate her skin_.

"What are you doing?" he demanded a moment later as he was shaking the smell of pine needles from his senses.

"I'm eating Nutella, Kid Genius," Artemis said. She was sitting on a barstool with her feet tucked under her, the towel that was tied around her waist covering red her legs. She dug a spoon in to the creamy substance and stuck the whole thing in her mouth.

He slowly made his way to the counter, trying to avert his eyes from hers. He knew she would only tease him if she caught him staring. _Reason 17: I hate the way she teases me_.

"So. Why are you- uh…" he said, vaguely motioning to her bathing suit.

"Why am I what, Wally?" she asked in between spoonfuls of Nutella.

"Why are you- you know…"

"No, I don't know," she said.

"Why are you _in a bikini_!" he practically shouted.

As he said this his face turned as red as his hair and he gasped spastically as if he couldn't keep enough air in his lungs.

"Oh, M'gann wanted to go swimming," Artemis said simply.

No teasing or snipping or calling him out on his shit. Artemis just said exactly why she was wearing a bathing suit.

Wally frowned at her. Normally she would have noticed how flustered he had become and commented on it and he would've denied it and their fighting would have escalated in to a shouting match to rival the likes of the Civil War. Instead she licked the last of her Nutella from her spoon tossed it in to the sink and left the jar on the counter.

"Artemis, are you- okay?" Wally asked.

Artemis, who had been in the process of standing and rearranging her towel around her hips, looked up at him with a wry smile.

"Just fine, Baywatch," she said, "and for the record: _I don't mind you either_."

Wally stared after her and only when her long trail of hair had disappeared down the hall did he dash to the weight room, throw open the doors and yell, "_Robin_!"

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><p><em>Please Review :3<em>


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